Time

This week marks the longest amount of time I've been out of America-5 months 1.5 weeks. After a semester abroad in Cape Town I was so ready to get home. Life ceased to be special and different and I yearned to leave what I then considered to be the 3rd world. Ha! This experience is paced differently and I feel on one hand that I've only just arrived and on the other that I've already been changed forever. Perhaps the expiration date, 2 years and 3 months, has better equipped me to handle the ups and downs in a more rational manner. To be homesick now would be a disasterous hurdle. I wasn't sure how I'd feel after 1 month in Tanzania, or 2 or 5, and now bordering on the start of my 6th month, I am far more stable than I imagined.

My biggest fear was coming here, something that was essentially in the making since I was five years-old, and hating it. The Peace Corps isn't for everyone and the early termination statistics are very high. I wasn't sure if I had it in me. I knew pride and ego would be enough to make me stick it out for the first 6 months. I was prepared to grin and bear it and make up an excuse to high tail it outta here. Thankfully, this scenario was all just the result of an excessive imagination and bad self-esteem!

Life continues to scoot along and the pace is just right. I've been pushing myself hard to be visible, work hard, and set a good example. It's exhausting really, but it's an uphill battle that I'm currently winning. There are many days where the guilt is overpowering. If I decide to go into town for a party or spend an afternoon reading in my bedroom and ignoring the kids pounding on my door, I actually feel like a bad person. This feeling of obligation is something that manifests itself constantly and in many situations. I don't know how I'll settle this but for now I am reminding myself that I am here for 2 years. If going to town for a long weekend inhibits me from creating sustainable projects that can thrive long after I'm gone, then I'm clearly not working smartly. This job has a lot of downtime, but in many ways I'm never really off the clock. If I'm speaking KiSwahili, I'm working. If I'm walking down the road, I'm working. It's no wonder I tumble into bed at 8:30/9 pm and sleep for 10 hours.

Ahh, I only have 3 minutes of internet left and lots of errands to run! On a final note, I have a kitty! She is absolutely adorable. The animals are so stunted and malnourished here that their offspring are bite sized little critters no more threatening than a stuffed animal. Unfortunately my cat sucks. She has fleas in her ears and butthole and more self-entitlement than reasonable for a bush cat. I've never been a cat person and it's clear why. I have her to ward off rats but in a wrestling match, I'm not sure if she'd even triumph. Let's just say if little kitty goes a missin, I won't be heading up any search parties. Cats are actually a delicasse in these parts, but I promise to draw the line at kitty souflet. Even if she continues to jump on my table or meow incessently. The second I get a flea tho, home girl is gettin the boot to the courtyard.

Alright, back to the vil for the week. Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Today I am thankful for my health, my friends and family in America and Tanzania and well...salt and vinegar pringles available just down the street.