Two Sides to Every Coin

It's been a tumultuous few weeks. I've come out hopeful and reenergized, but also incredibly cynical about Tanzania's potential for sustainability. It's much more pleasant to read the glossy 'save-our-children' late-night commercial stuff, but it's an unfair depiction. Tanzania is not a country of all kind villagers trying to better their lives and the lives of their children. My village is full of negligence, abuse (of children, animals, and alcohol), greed, and incessant gossip. This isn't saying that all people in Mhaji are this way or that even the others don't deserve basic services like medicine in the health center and proper education for their children. It's simply to say, I'm tired.

I'm tired of 'can i have', 'i want', 'give me candy/money/dictionary/a cow/my dishes/MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. You can want and want and want all you want. So I give you a dollar today. That will buy you alcohol and french fries but tomorrow comes and you have no ability to procur anything for yourself. When I give, I'm actually halting development.

Now I certainly don't feel this way about all forms of charity. I was so grateful to receive 500 toothbrushes and tubes of toothpaste from Janet and UM Dental School. It was a lesson supplemented by 'teaching aids'. Sure I can talk til the cows come home about the merits of clean teeth, yet who actually has a toothbrush? But when a supposed friend takes you aside to talk and says "When you leave, I really think I deserve all of your dishes", all I can see is RED. I'd be acting far too modest if I didn't say that I mentally called her a dumb-stupid-bitchy-bitch-bitch. First of all, woman, be grateful that I'm helping your children. Second, isn't it a little uncouth to ask for a handout a full YEAR before I'm set to leave? If she's already starting a game of Dibs, then she's got a big, fat surprise coming to learn she's not even getting my leftover COAL.

This anger surprised me. But when 5 minutes later someone asked me for a cow, ohhh gurl. Shit hit the fan. I removed myself from society, locking my door from the outside and closing the curtains. I stayed this way stewing in my own rage, self-pity, and disbelief for about 24 hours. And then, I got over it. Not only did I get over it, I became inspired in new and better ways. I looked at my last year of work, evaluating what has been successful and what's been lacking. I noticed that anytime the group of people receciving 'education' has not asked for it, my job is fruitless. When I attempt to teach children's health in front of 200 mamas at clinic day, I'm disheartened time and again when they continue talking on the side and don't ask questions. Guess what mamas? Not wasting my time anymore! I'm having a news board built and each month I will post the lesson. Those who care will read it and ask the nurse questions. Those who are dying to learn more are most welcome to my house.

I also literally cringed at the idea of entering my life skills classes 3x a week. The kids, while generally enthusiastic, haven't seemed to benefit in the slightest from my lessons on assertive behavior and better communication. But this is a place where I just can't quit. After my weekend of madness, something shifted, and I started viewing progress in a different way. Our new and improved life skills will now consist of community speakers ranging from positive examples (village nurse, successful shop owner) to less desirable outcomes (teenage mothers who dropped out of school, HIV+ people, etc). While the kids can study vague definitions of life skills from a manual and stare at the strangely dressed white girl in front of the room, they can benefit infinity more from their own community advising them.

I was lucky to come out of this black hole not only unscathed, but better off. I doubt that will happen too many more times. There will come a point where I will say, ENOUGH ALREADY. I'm hoping I can maintain my spirit and dedication until the end of my service. Since that day (now 2 weekends ago) life has been brilliant as usual. It wasn't a recovery thing where everyday gets a little better. It was life-altering rage and poof, back to normal. Not sure how healthy that is for my blood pressure (hopefully I've got another decade or 2 before that acts up).

So what about some positive updates?

Status of Toilets-Coming right along! Completion date will be in September. Our carpenter is severely MIA. When we get ahold of him however, he's a great worker and is producing fantastic results.

Chicken Project-Let's say that I've just passed Tanzanian Business Ethics 101. When told that our chicks would arrive at the end of the month, smack in the middle of a 2 week conference in Dar es Salaam), I did not lay down easily. After a marathon texting session with the chicken shop keeper the conversations (translated to English) looked like this..

Monday Afternoon

Shopkeeper: I'm sorry, you will receive your chickens on August 31, 2009.
Me: I am asking for your charity. I will not be there on that day and God and I would be most grateful if we can have them Thursday. Have a lovely afternoon.
Shopkeeper: I will give you the answer later.
Me: Thank you so much. I am so sorry to pester you but this is a project for orphans. We will all be so grateful if you allow us to have the chicks on Thursday.
Shopkeeper: Okay, we will give it our best efforts!

Tuesday 1PM
I walk into the shop and no one is surprised to see me. They all know my name by now and greet me. Again I use every pleasantry I can dream of and apologize for being such an annoyance.

Tuesday 1:10PM
WE'VE GOT A DEAL!!!

As for other goings-on:

Last week, our entire primary school and 6th and 7th grade at our other village primary school received toothbrushes and toothpaste. Roaring succcess!

Women's Batik Business:
Our first meeting was on Sunday. Our group consists of 5 mamas, myself, and my male counterpart. Every person is contributing 10,000 tsh (about $8). On Sunday they'll give 6,000 tsh and have 2 months to turn in the remaining 4,000. A contribution is mandatory in making the women feel like they have a real stake in the project. 10,000 Tsh is a LOT of money. It's not something they can throw around. I knowingly placed this financial burden on them so they'll be reliable, show up, give their best, etc. It's strict, but necessary.

I'm sure other stuff is going on, but I'm currently blanking. For pictures of these projects check out my facebook link:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2620225&id=2205190&l=a99701de32

And that is about that. I'm happy, healthy (well, a little sneezy and snotty-that's just village life), and beyond excited to announce I'll be headed home in DECEMBER for a visit! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO

xoxo,
Kate

PS-Saturday August 22 is my ONE YEAR anniversary for living in Mhaji village. Wow.